He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
