I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
