she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
FUCK WHALES
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