All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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