you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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