sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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