is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
