Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
