You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
