....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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