: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
