I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is my gift to your gina
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
