Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
