I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
