she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
