I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
