So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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