hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
