How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
