it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
