i love accidental penises.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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