Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
