it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
