They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
