K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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