I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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