closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
