i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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