I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
