YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
