My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
