White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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