i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
