my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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