I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
