i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
