oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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