so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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