I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
