Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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