dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
