Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
