He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
