I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
