I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
