Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
