on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
