Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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