never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All the doctor said was why
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
