I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
