There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're a waste of cheezeits
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
