wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
