i don't like sucking hair
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
